We all make judgments about people but when judgments move beyond helpful and become distractions, it’s time to make a change. Leaders can be particular vulnerable to micromanaging and the “distraction of judging” because a large part of their job is to evaluate and manage people – their employees, job applicants, vendors, and others.
So, who gives a damn about the guy walking down the hall wearing purple pants? If you do, then stop. The guy wearing the purple pants likes wearing purple, so good for him. Wearing beige doesn’t make you better, it just makes you beige, which is different than purple.
Stop judging because . . . “You Aren’t The King Of The World And It’s Not Your Job To Judge.”
Just as it is not your place to micromanage everyone and everything . . .
so that it all fits neatly into the way you believe the world should work . . .
so that your landscape is serene and your life . . . . stops spinning.
That can’t happen. So stop trying to make it happen.
The Deal Is
You have the ability to construct a more serene landscape and slow your world down simply by focusing inward, rather than outward. Focus on your own stuff and leave the guy wearing the awesome purple pants alone.
Ninety nine percent of the time someone else’s behavior or thoughts will have no material negative impact on you. None. Yes, it may distract you for a moment or cause you to spend a few more minutes in conversation but this is a small price to pay for color “and who knows, you may learn something.”
Still want to micromanage? Nine times out of ten you will have very little ability to change his behavior or thoughts without expending a lot of energy. Awful odds. Instead, let the emotion pass through you and save your energy for things that really matter AND you can impact.
How Many Times A Day Do You Say To Yourself
Look at that idiot? Or, that was a stupid idea? Or, why the hell did he just do that?
“It’s not all about you, all the time.” His life is not your life. You only own one life – yours.
The Chatter Drowns Out The Stuff That Really Matters
Psychologists believe that people who focus on other people’s stuff do so because it is physically and mentally easier/safer than working on their own stuff. It’s more comfortable to FEEL angry about something that you can do nothing about rather than to FEEL angry about something you can do something about – your own stuff. And while you are feeling emotional about someone else’s stuff, you have no time or energy left to feel emotional about your own stuff so that’s a bonus too.
If you are FEELING about your stuff and their stuff – well, that is just too much feeling for one person. Spin away.
Instead, Ask Yourself
Is this emotion about my behavior or about someone else’s behavior?
Does his behavior have a material negative impact my life? If no, then stop caring because it just doesn’t matter.
If yes, can I change his behavior?
If yes, how much energy will it take to change his behavior? Is the amount of energy necessary to change his behavior worth my time and energy?
Celebrate color – keeps things interesting.